Working On Me

Does anxiety affect singles differently? Well, yes and no. “People tend to think ‘it’s worse for me because . . .’ but that’s not necessarily the case,” says Jerilyn Ross, President and CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America and Director of the Ross Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders.

“Anxiety disorders don’t have any prejudice.”

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 40 million American adults have an anxiety disorder. There are no studies on singles and anxiety, and experts stress that the details are different for every person. Shoshana Kaufman, LCSW, explains that being single is just one factor that can either positively or negatively affect the battle against anxiety depending on the anxiety triggers and the individuals involved.

Laura* lost her father after a long illness when she was only 9 years old. Not surprisingly, her concern for her loved ones can still overwhelm her with worry. Being in a relationship means her significant other is a “trigger” person, and fear for his safety is more likely to bring on anxiety than simply being in a relationship is to abate it.

Samantha’s anxiety was more closely related to being single and fears of ending up alone, homeless and destitute. Even when she married, it took her some time to trust that her husband wouldn’t let her fall – being married was not a magic bullet that cured her anxiety.

While both women attest that it’s a challenge to explain anxiety to a partner who may become impatient, Dr. Ray Lightstone PsyD, explains that loved ones who enable can be even more problematic. That’s what happened to Justin, who suffered from depression and social anxiety and would hide behind his “hot” girlfriends: “Being with her gave me the strength to do many other things like a normal person. As long as she was with me and people could see that, I had strength I would not otherwise have had.” In each case, he admits that “once my source of strength was gone, I was a wreck.”

Justin is not alone in suffering from both depression and anxiety: anxiety disorders frequently co-occur with depression or substance abuse, which complicate the anxiety and generally must be addressed first. Dr. Lightstone says that people who are socially isolated are more prone to depression, so in this regard singles who live alone and suffer from anxiety are indeed more at risk. And Ms. Ross adds that today’s focus on social networking and text messaging “gives people even more excuses to hide, reinforcing their fears and making them even more isolated.”

This was not the case for Laura. After graduation from college, she moved away from her hometown and her immediate family and found that not knowing their day-to-day movements and therefore worrying about them was “liberating.”

It’s also not the case that living alone necessarily means being socially isolated. Many singles have a strong network of friends, and the Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging found that a network of good friends, rather than close family ties, helps you live longer in older age. While the study focused on aging, the positive effects of these friends on “mood, self esteem and coping mechanisms” is good news for singles dealing with anxiety disorders as well.

* All patients’ names and other details have been changed to protect the individuals’ privacy.

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